ava loveless @aurora@social.bau-ha.us

nice records to listen to way too loud when coming home after a long day:
https://lvmen.bandcamp.com/album/mitgefangen-mitgehangen
i don't usually like hardcore (i'll go to shows if friends drag me along, but i hardly listen to it apart from that), but they do this weird ambient psych hardcore wall of sound thing (with an awesome visual show if you see them live), and it's really nice in a way

so i'm on the train, kinda spacing out, when i randomly remember this girl i met two weeks ok and realize that during the conversation we had, she randomly, without any context, dropped the facts that she's a) bi, b) single, and c) thinks i'm cute. after two weeks this shit just randomly pops into my head and my gay ass is like "waaaaait a minute..."
why am i like this

ich mache heute um 22h wieder trash disco auf @bauhaus_fm, mit den besten mystery-tonträgern vom müll der letzten monate! das ist genau die art radio, die #weimar verdient. auf ukw 106.6 und unter https://bauhaus.fm

finally perfect weather for hiking (at least for me, but i'm weird)

$Bank schickt mir als direkte Antwort auf eine Mail einen Brief. In dem steht, ich soll ihnen Sachen per Mail schicken. In ihrer Autoreply-Mail steht "Bitte prüfen Sie, ob diese Mail wirklich ausgedruckt werden muss." Ach, *ich* soll das prüfen?!

it always feels weird to finally just use something for it's intended purpose after it was just stored somewhere for eternity and has kinda reached that age where it's almost considered museum-worthy. anyway, flatmates broke the shitty vacuum we had, so i took mine out of storage. it looks & works better anyway, and if they manage to break this beast there's something seriously wrong with them.

randomly found a bunch of gdr vacuum cleaner bags in a trashpile, realized i actually have that vacuum cleaner, so yay, free 40+ year old bags!

fixed some speakers. apparently glue dries instantly in current temperatures. would not recommend.

what. the. fuck.
so they made a doodle poll for this project and you should pick a timeslot. sure, i can do that. pick 2:30pm. show up at 14:30. nobody there. don't have a direct contact and no smartphone, so leave slightly annoyed. later get a slightly annoyed mail: "hey, why didn't you show up at 16:30?"

doodle displayed times in UTC for me, and MEST for her. so +2 hours. what the fuck, why is that an option and why isn't there a big disclaimer, aaaaahhhh fuck software.

seitdem ich arztbefunde als schlechte fanfiction sehe, komme ich mit so formulierungen wie "psychisch reduziert, im kontakt zurückhaltend" deutlich besser klar 😅

apparently these days i can't go to bars without having creepy dudes hit on me, and it's super annoying, but somehow it also helps with dysphoria, because hey, the creepy dudes pick me out of all these nice looking girls and they read me as cis, so i can't look as horrible as my brain tells me

i'd still rather have cute girls hit on me, that would help even more

i have a professional photoshooting tomorrow for a project that is showcasing female and nonbinary artists. can't decide if i should dress trashy or nice, because i am a trash artist, but then again i also want to look nice in a photo that will be used for a bunch of publications and exhibitions, you know? maybe i should go for "professional trash", whatever that is, or just ask my friend for her nina hagen cosplay

i started feminizing hrt at 27, hasn't even been a year, and today i just saw my reflection while walking past a window and that just gave me random gender euphoria because i have all the curves now, and i really love where this is going and i can't wait to see what it'll be like in another 6 months, and it really makes me happy (and hot!), so fuck those people.

fucking internet told me hrt would never work properly unless i started at the latest in my early 20s and so i spent my teens and twenties panicking because i never managed to actually get my shit together because my mental health was a disaster all that time and i blamed myself so, so much for that and felt like shit for fucking up my one and only chance to be passable and not dysphoric, when it was all a lie

took a day off today and just texted a friend and we're meeting later at her place to cook dinner together and hang out and i know it's absolutely nothing special but at the same time this would've never worked for me two years ago and oh fuck i can actually talk to people and people actually want to spend time with me and i actually enjoy being with them and what the hell this is awesome and maybe things will be alright someday after all